I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your darn chain letters over the past two years. Thank you for
making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your
concern… I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put “Under God” on their cans. I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected ! with AIDS. I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaida in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I n! o longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me
taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. I no longer have any sneakers
but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
have their recipe. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 131,214 angels looking out for me. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time). I no longer have any money at all, but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now
return the fav! or. If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will poop on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend…
BY THE WAY, THIS REFERENCES ARE ALL OF THE HOAX EMAILS THAT DIFFERENT PEOPLE HAVE SENT ME.